Cookie Crumbs 2023

Cookie Crumbs 2023

As I have noted before, only fools and economists attempt to predict the future and fools have a slightly better track record. Therefore, I offer the following speculation of things that might happen in 2023 not as prediction or prophecy but as pure folly.

Building on the successful swap of Brittney Griner for Viktor Bout the US will swap Elon Musk for Vladimir Putin now that it is becoming obvious that Musk is more dangerous than Putin. Putin, in light of his vast experience of using young men as cannon fodder, will be installed as the Commissioner of the National Football League.

Americans will line up at the Mexican border seeking asylum to escape the gun violence.

Like so many bad sit-coms the Trump show has lost all its best writers and continues well past its cancellation date. To revive the franchise Trump will be swapped for Ron DeSantis as Florida is swallowed by the rising ocean. Even climate change has some silver linings.

In a second great migration Blacks will continue to move to Georgia and create an American utopia, while Stacy Abrahams and her white liberal followers will move to Chicago where she will be selected to lead the Chicago public library system.

In another coup for America, Jeff Bezos will be swapped for Richard Branson - at least Branson seems to have a sense of humor.

Amazon will buy Walmart and turn all their stores into distribution centers. The folks who retrieve the shopping carts from the parking lots will be driving those "prime" delivery trucks, so drive accordingly.

Twitter will buy Facebook, reducing the Metaverse by one and consolidating all the Twits in one place.

US airlines will retrofit their planes with individual cages for passengers (what we used to call student carrels in college) and replace their flight attendants with zookeepers. In-flight food service will be limited to bananas.

On Ground Hog Day Punxsutawney Phil and his brethren will be attacked whack-a-mole style by climate deniers.

Using the Webb space telescope scientists will prove there is intelligent life in the universe, just not on planet earth.

In a stunning feat of diplomacy by the British government the Royal family will be swapped for a Korean K-pop band and Brexit will be transferred to Taiwan/China.

The Mexican drug cartels will announce the "friendly" take-over of the US pharmaceutical industry. Drug prices will be cut by 35% but co-pays may be expected to rise. The FDA will approve the merger saying it is in the best interests of consumers.

Texas will pass a law mandating that everyone over 6 years of age must carry a gun at all times. Protests will erupt across Texas demanding what children 6 and under be required to have guns as well.

Book banners will raid hotels confiscating Gideon bibles and burn them in the parking lots after several religious leaders point out that Jesus never read the bible.

The debate between people who want daylight saving time year-round and those who want it eliminated will be resolved when the US abolishes time standards, including all time zones. In the great American tradition of individualism each person will keep their own time. No one will ever be late again.

In 2023 the only thing you will be able to buy with crypto-currency will be Donald Trump trading cards.

The new Covid variant will be called Brandon but you can gain immunity from it by voting.

Scientists will declare current times the Anthropocene Era and designate human beings as an invasive species.

As in past years, love will not stamp out hate, facts will not matter and the meek will not inherit the earth, or at least not until we make it uninhabitable, but as Robert Johnson promised the sun will shine in my backdoor someday.